Every day brings with it its share amount of frustrations and annoyances. These can easily come between you and your loved ones and friends. It can eventually eat away at your powerful connections.
Did you draw up a checklist for your prospective relationships? When she snaps at you for seemingly no good reason, simply ask her what she is really angry about? If she is generally kind, you can ask how you may have disappointed her recently. We are oftentimes not exactly what our mate or friend wants us to be. And reality has a funny way of revealing our unmet expectations.
Are you resentful because he never asked for a raise? Then again, working at an unemployment agency has to be a tense job, knowing that if you get fired you still have to come in the next day.
Are you fit to be tied because he left his dirty dish in the sink again? I know. Your husband always helps you out with housework, such as washing the dishes and doing laundry. You wash them, and he lets them dry. Sheesh.
Believe it or not, you need not get angry while you impart what you are miffed about. Don’t demand some magical answer from him at the moment. You may not even want to hear her so called “solution” at that time. What you really deserve is an atmosphere of acceptance and compassion.
Let’s be honest, sweet friends. We let each other down all of the time. When was the last time you were unreliable? That will eventually erode trust. Hear each other out with patience, and muster the courage to admit how much you truly disappoint even the ones you love.
I bet you would have no difficulty coming up with a list of the ways your partner or friend upsets or even irritates you at times. Perhaps she does not share all of your views. Maybe he never seems to want to go on vacations with you. Don’t you just love those days when your only decision is window or aisle?
Indeed, relationships can seem impossibly complicated. Love is not really a complete merger of two lives. You need not like the exact same foods. Heck, I’m all about clean eating. See how clean my plate is? You do not even have to go to sleep and get up at the same time. Speaking of which, I don’t understand why people have to “get ready” for bed. I’m always ready for bed. Then again, some sleep till they’re hungry and eat till they’re sleepy.
But truly, you need not think the exact same thoughts on every topic in existence. You do not need that punitive burden of expectations. Keep in view what actually makes your friendship soothing and satisfying. Perhaps it is her willingness to share vulnerability. Maybe he is simply kind and brought you chicken soup when you had that awful tummy ache. Oh, and is chicken soup good for your health? Not if you’re the chicken. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool. Heh.
But seriously, is there anyone in your life that you can be honest with about things that throw you off balance? Sometimes we want someone in our lives who can help us make sense of some of the clouded parts of our own minds.
On some level, you may need to limit what you expect your relationships to be about. It is incredibly gratifying to be in the presence of someone who is simply caring, considerate, and understanding, despite some differences.
The truth is that we all wish to be seen. We want to be shown tenderness and to be appreciated. Then again, remind yourself that you are the lucky one when they decide to choose you. Indeed, you may be heavily distorted about your past, yet do try to understand each other.
Apologies should be a regular occurrence in friendship and love, sweet friends. Have self-worth but do remove ego and pride from your character, please. Do not stifle your emotions. Explore them gently and authentically with him.
Don’t tell her she is “this or that.” Do say: “I feel…that you are being…” One is so much less threatening and judgmental, is it not? Ask him why he feels that way. Learn to sense the fear or pain beneath your anger and annoyance. Trust me, it is lurking there.
Accept the little child within you and look after hers, as well. No one can save us, sweet friends. Learn to be happy within yourself. It’s been said: Happiness is not about getting all you want. It’s about enjoying all you have. Don’t let the seeds stop you from enjoying the watermelon.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
