How do you feel about simpleness? When was the last time you attended or hosted an event devoid of all the embellishments and décor that we have all come to know and love? Do you see that as devoid of glamour, perhaps?
Many of us cannot imagine entertaining our friends without an elaborate, garnished meal and, of course, a sumptuous dessert with all the extras. It’s been said: Chocolate is G-d’s apology for broccoli. By the way: Thanks, fall. My muffin top is now a pumpkin roll.
But truly, we tend to fill our leisure time with extravagant or alluring vacations, hobbies, or activities. Perhaps it’s time to edit down that over-extended calendar on your phone, and to simply “be.”
Try serving some basic foods like the ones you grew up with. Meat and potatoes, anyone? Maybe you have hunger management issues. You know I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn’t work. Oh, and wear something that’s actually comfortable. After all, do you really wear that designer tie or those six-inch heels when you’re alone? Believe it or not, tending to your plants, taking a bubble bath, or going for a wholesome walk in nature can be utterly fulfilling.
Are you always trying to be someone else? When was the last time you communicated some of your heartfelt emotions to your loved ones in an easy, effortless way? Why burden yourself with people or obligations that don’t really belong to the real “you”?
Some of your days may actually be filled with meaningless challenges. No, you do not have to keep up with those Joneses. Your life will simply become heavy with panic and anxiety. They say the three stages in life are: Wanting stuff. Accumulating stuff. Getting rid of stuff. Choose simplicity for a change. Be emotionally straightforward and know that simple pleasures can deliver enormous satisfaction.
Ordinary things in your life need not be dull or uninspiring. In addition, things do not have to be expensive in order to be enjoyable or exciting. Admit it. Are you enamored or captivated by things that are large-scale, grand, and grandiose?
Indeed, we are not easily enthralled by things that may be inexpensive or easily available. Yet, you may have had a better time reading your new novel in the park on that beautiful spring day than your friend who just returned from a week-long vacay in France. Oh, I speak French – “fries.”
The dinner at that fancy restaurant may not even hold a candle to your homemade chicken soup. Yet, which sounds more impressive? Oh, sorry, we’re out of stock. Soup is just adult baby food. Enjoy. Was the highlight of your weekend hand gliding or parasailing? Or perhaps sharing some warm moments with family or friends?
What are your favorite ordinary pleasures, sweet friends? Taking a hot shower, eating sweet, ripe strawberries, or scanning through your photos of loved ones? Don’t even get me started on the first sip of your morning coffee. Ahhhhhhh. When life gives you lemons, trade them for coffee.
Please notice the modest moments that are available to you in your everyday life. Follow the signals of your brain. Did that activity, as simple and unpretentious as it was, make you feel better?
Ambition can be important, even noble. But there may come a point when it becomes a source of difficulty and distress. Learn to undercut your perfectionistic tendencies. Trying to be perfect exacts a terrible toll, sweet friends. They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you that practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds. Then again, it’s been said: A perfectionist pardons everyone’s mistakes, but his own.
Your life may have many dark moments, but remind yourself that some things are simply “good enough.” Me? I don’t dwell on my mistakes. I’ve got family for that.
Sure, you may never earn a fortune, but your job may actually be good enough. There may be times in your relationship where there are areas of non-communication, but this should not lead you to feel as though your partnership is doomed.
Step back and acknowledge how your life is satisfactory and sufficiently good. Believe it or not, he may be paying an extraordinary price for his overwhelming success. Behind her relentless need to be beautiful and that full face of high-end makeup, she may feel a huge burden.
So she accumulated more shares and likes than you. Perhaps she is trying to secure something far more unknown. Maybe she thinks it will heal her troubled emotional past where she felt utterly neglected.
Who are you still trying to impress? Where and from whom do you draw your strength? We can’t solve psychological and spiritual problems through material means, sweet friends. It may appear to most of the world that he is succeeding beyond measure. She may have all the recognition you crave and yet she may have never addressed the psychological wounds that drive her to need it so desperately.
Feel compassion and consolation for your earlier self, please. You are not on this earth to perform, sweet friends, but to connect. Let yourself be flawed. Remember that even flowers grow through dirt.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
