Why do you have friends? Is your friendship one of the high points of your existence? You know she’s your best friend if you don’t have to act socially acceptable around her.
Listen, the better the friend, the less cleaning you do before the friend comes over. And you know what they say: It’s amazing how kids learn to use a computer, a smartphone, and even learn to drive a car – yet have no concept of how to use a dishwasher, vacuum cleaner, or lawnmower. But honestly, have you ever thought about the purpose of your relationships?
If you don’t focus on your objective, you may have no clue as to what you should be doing with the people in your life. The human condition is full of anxiety – even horror at times. So, we humans seek reassurance, comfort, and consolation from others.
Your true friends will give you access to their own embarrassments and foolishness. Many of us spend a great deal of our lives trying not to look like fools. As Socrates said, Mankind is made of two kinds of people: Wise people who know they’re fools and fools who think they are wise. Life offers many lessons in the need to be serious and solemn. But with whom can you be flat out silly? With whom do you have the most fun?
You know what they say: A best friend is the one that you can be mad at only for a short period, because you have important stuff to tell them. Oftentimes, we think and feel things and are not quite sure why. Your true friend may ask gentle but inquisitive questions. Your best buddy will act as a mirror to your inner self. If you choose to spend time with someone, know the reason. Some so-called friends may be secretly hoping you will gain that weight back and will not get the promotion at work. Heck, I’ve been watching my weight. It’s still there.
I know. You wish everything was as easy as gaining weight. I get it. I just “ate” my willpower. But seriously, if she is not at all interested in self-knowledge, she may not share or even understand your emotional or spiritual journey. He may have simply ended up in your orbit because he works in the same office. An ideal friend will not compete with you and will be able to display his weakness at times.
He is the cheese to your macaroni. Awww. She will share some embarrassing things about herself, as well, and confess to some of her past failings. If he is an ideal friend, he will show interest in your challenges and difficulties. If she has a modicum of self-awareness, she will be alert to her own troubled and darker side.
Friends understand how easy it is to panic or lose perspective about a situation. They are always there to offer support and solace. They respect your zones of vulnerability and fragility and remind you that you can cope.
Your best friend can get you to laugh at yourself but will also help you build your self-understanding. Perhaps his superpower is remembering every embarrassing thing you’ve done since sixth grade and bringing it up at the perfect moments.
Are there things about yourself that you truly do not comprehend? It may be uncomfortable to admit it, but oftentimes we do not even know what we think. Your buddy will ask you to explain why you were so impressed with that podcast or why you feel so strongly about a particular topic.
Do your close friends help you like yourself a tad more? The truth is that we can be quite unfriendly toward ourselves. Your companions can help change you for the better. You may not be a social butterfly, but some are boundlessly kind and will make sure you are included.
He may be the one in your circle who is the fun friend and is always down for a good time. To my ride-or-die friend: Just remember, if we get caught, I can’t remember anything.
Then there is the confidante who is trustworthy, loyal, and will keep your secrets. At times, we choose a mother or father figure who is selfless and tends to be compassionate, keeping the peace above all else.
You may be fortunate enough to have that soul mate who stuck by you through thick and thin. She feels more like family. He has been by your side and, even if you drifted apart, you will consider him a true friend for life.
Your real friend will ask how you are and actually wait for the answer. Be the best friend you can be. Remember, sweet friends: It’s not what you have, but whom you have in life that matters.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.