You may think of yourself as someone who is just being honest. But do you complain or criticize too often? Do you grumble and gripe incessantly about the state of the world? Perhaps you find yourself talking about how great things were “back in the day.” Speaking of which, back in my day, people used to take photos with other people in them. Sure, we all had a playroom growing up. It was called “outside.”
But truly, do you ever walk away from a conversation feeling worse than when you started? Negativity simply drains people. Sure, your world may have changed in ways that do not feel comfortable or pleasant. It’s all right to vent once in a while, but do not allow negativity to become your default setting.
Instead of leading your conversations with moaning or muttering, start with something positive. Some people enjoy complaining as much as they enjoy doing nothing about it. Know this: Positive energy is contagious. Show interest in her. It builds bridges. Being critical of him will only serve to build walls.
Pull your friends in instead of pushing them away. How you present yourself to the world affects how others see you, as well as how you see yourself. Take pride in your appearance. You know it’s been said: I’ll stop wearing black when they invent a darker color.
Your appearance is a reflection of your inner self. Simple acts that you do for yourself tell your brain that you matter. When you walk into a room, do people smile at you? What is one small thing you do for yourself daily?
Do you resist change? If you don’t join the group chat, you are the one who loses connection to the people you love. We must all adapt and embrace modern conveniences. Embrace small changes at first. Do you have a strong connection with those whom you love? How do you achieve it?
Clutter in your home can fill your mind with stress. Take small steps to get rid of things that you no longer use, or that do not bring you joy. Then again, you never have to throw away that which you didn’t buy. A clean home creates a peaceful environment. They say: The best way to keep teenagers out of hot water is to put some dishes in it. It’s also been said: Nature abhors a vacuum. And so do I.
But truly, please don’t let little things get under your skin so easily. Frustration makes life hard for those around us. Irritation raises your stress levels. Please pause before you react.
Shift your perspective and remind yourself to practice kindness. Life is easier if you let go of daily annoyances. How do you handle frustrating moments in your life? Allow your friends and loved ones to share what is on their minds. Do not be tempted to offer too much unsolicited advice. Resist the urge.
Balance talking with active listening. Sometimes we simply do not feel heard. Share your perspective and wisdom, but by all means allow him to finish before you jump in with your opinions or guidance.
Let her vent and only offer your two cents worth if asked. The best conversations are about listening better. Do not pride yourself on being so independent that you are afraid to ask for help. We all need a hand with something.
Asking for help is a sign of strength. Allow your friends to care for you. It fosters connection and allows for shared humanity. You do not have to struggle alone with your issues. Yes, you can accept kindness from your loved ones.
Do you constantly worry about finances? They say: There are three types of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves. Treat yourself and enjoy your money, please. By all means, be financially responsible. Listen, I want to open a Two-Dollar Store, for people who enjoy the “finer” things.
But seriously, security is crucial, but so is enjoying life. Do not always hesitate before making any purchase that you can well afford. Experiences bring more joy than possessions. Memories with your family and friends can bring lasting happiness. Find a balance between saving and living. Allow yourself those precious moments.
Before you say something, ask yourself: Do I wish to create bonding or distance? Sometimes it’s not about changing him but understanding him.
Do not allow the past to have a tight grip on you, sweet friends. Bad memories can replay in your mind like an old movie that you can’t seem to turn off. Carrying grudges and resentments will make you feel that familiar heaviness. Do not carry that heavy knapsack everywhere you go. Practice letting go and free yourself from the hold the past has on you.
Please find humor in everyday life, sweet friends. Joy, after all, is something you have to choose.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
