Do you feel in control of your own emotions? When was the last time you said or did something without even giving it a second thought? Are you one more minor inconvenience away from losing your sanity? Are you keenly aware of how you treat yourself and your loved ones?
Just how emotionally developed are you? Let’s have a look, shall we? Perhaps you have a short fuse and get awfully mad when things do not go your way. Or maybe you try to punish those who hurt you and pride yourself on holding that grudge. You may even try to guilt your loved ones into submission.
In order to forgive someone we care about, we must first be able to see things from their point of view or perspective. Instead, you may withdraw affection, or just give him the silent treatment until he gives in. A single instant of misunderstanding is so poisonous that it makes us forget the hundred lovable moments spent together within a minute.
Many of us have gone so far as to threaten to end the friendship or leave the relationship altogether as a way of manipulating our loved one. How often do you find yourself overreacting or overdramatizing? “Oh gosh, I really shouldn’t have said that to my boss.” I know.
Right about now, you’re wishing you actually took that Excel course you put on your resume. By the way, how do you say: “I haven’t had enough coffee for this,” but professionally? My boss told me to be more proactive at the office; so, I’m working on my resume.”
It’s been said: Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married? Please do not resort to denying your problems, sweet friends. If you wish to develop or grow as a person, you must be courageous enough to face your fears.
It’s hard not to play the blame game. You may be pointing fingers at her to try to cope with your own shame when you make a mistake. Or you can engage in excessive self-criticism. If you base your worth on how others perceive you, you may insist on always being “right.”
Please allow others to challenge your opinions, and openly discuss issues calmly. Do not allow your feelings to cloud your judgment. Emotions are not always intended to be acted on. You may be prone to raise your voice or even become cruel when your feelings get out of control. You know what they say: The tongue is the only instrument that gets sharper with use.
Not everything is about you. It’s okay for loved ones to correct you, sweet friends, so long as it is done respectfully. Do not take everything personally, please. It’s crucial to hold yourself accountable for your mistakes.
Is he entitled? Does she always want to have her way? Immature people can be passive-aggressive or controlling. They will play mind games instead of being honest about their feelings. Your hobbies, interests, and personal goals are to be valued by your loved ones. Appreciate her more than your ego.
Do you have a healthy outlook on life? Many of us are not even aware of our psychological well-being. Take time to analyze your situation before you automatically react. This will help you to not lose your cool or overreact. Cell-phone Anger Management: Some people get angry when their cell phone runs out of power – they just need to find an outlet.
But truly, what is your approach to problem-solving? Do you even know? Feelings play a huge part in your daily interactions with others. Can you name the emotion you are feeling right now? Knowing what we feel will enable us to understand and manage them.
Know what you want and learn to get your point across well. Take a step back before reacting. Feeling emotions is not the same as becoming them. Y’all know the stages: 1- Denial, 2- Anger, 3- Bargaining, 4- Depression, 5- Acceptance – the five stages of buying gasoline these days.
But seriously, self-awareness allows you to become the object of your own attention. You can focus on your own needs and emotions while being empathetic to others, as well. Please do not allow yourself to become self-absorbed or wrapped up in yourself and your judgments.
Here is the trick, my friends: Think about: How, When, or Where you should express your feelings. Learn a healthy communication style.
Trust me: We are all making it up as we go along in life. Your parents or loved ones may have been painfully out of their depth and most certainly struggling with demons of their own. Learn to forgive.
Satisfaction may come in increments of minutes, so please celebrate the small things, sweet friends. Loosen your hold on self-righteousness and know that what is in your head will not be automatically understood by others. Express your feelings and intentions, please. Many a heart has been broken from words unspoken.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
