We’ve been taught lots of things before, but the goal of this article is to teach you something you have never learned before: how Jews are supposed to cry.

Unfortunately, our history is replete with many tears: “By the rivers of Babylon – there we sat and also cried…” (T’hilim 137:1). “She (Jerusalem) weeps bitterly in the night” (Eichah 1:2). The goal of this article is not to teach you why to cry (thousands of years of history have answered that question). Rather, I want to discuss the “how” and find out if the Jewish nation has been crying correctly.

The Torah mentions crying/weeping many times. The first time we find this is when Sarah demands that Avraham send away Hagar and her son Yishmael. Alone in the desert with no water, Hagar said, “Let me not see the boy die.” She then “wept in a loud voice. Hashem heard the boy weeping…” (B’reishis 21:16). Just two chapters later, we see the word again, when Sarah passed away: “Sarah died in Kiryas Arba, also known as Chevron, in the land of Canaan. Avraham came to eulogize Sarah and to weep for her” (B’reishis 23:2).

Are these two “cryings” similar? And what about two other cryings that we see later in B’reishis? When Yosef is finally revealed to his brothers, we read the following: “Yosef fell on the shoulders of his brother Binyamin and he wept. Binyamin also wept on his [Yosef’s] shoulders. [Yosef] then kissed all his brothers and wept…” (B’reishis 45:14-15). And finally, when Yaakov dies, the Torah states that “Egypt cried for 70 days” (B’reishis 50:3).

Hagar and Egypt cried.

Avraham, Yosef, and Binyamin cried.

Were they the same?

The answer to this question can be found in the crying of our greatest leader ever: Moshe Rabbeinu. We all know the story. His mother hid him in a basket and placed it in the Nile River. The daughter of Pharaoh found him and immediately knew he was a Jew. Many people explain that she knew this because he was circumcised, but – in my humble opinion – that would not be conclusive since the descendants of Yishmael were circumcised, as well.

Let’s read the words of the Torah: “Pharaoh’s daughter went to bathe in the Nile… she saw the basket… opened it and saw the boy. The infant began to cry… It is one of the Hebrew boys, she said” (Sh’mos 2:5-6).

How did she know – for sure – that he was a Hebrew/Jew?

The N’sivos Shalom – the great Slonimer Rebbe, of blessed memory – solves this riddle with the most unbelievable words you may ever read. He writes that she knew he was a Jew because of the way he cried! These are his words: “His cry was that of a Jew because she saw that it was a cry of hope and not a cry of despair.” He further explains that, while the entire world cries, their weeping is one of despair, hopelessness, and destruction, while a Jewish cry is filled with hope, yearning, and passion.

This is how Bisya (or some say Basya) – daughter of Pharaoh – knew that this three-month-old baby was a Jew… by the way he cried! Incredible! Tears of hope, not despair – weeping of yearning, not hopelessness.

Allow me to take the Rebbe’s holy words and apply them to the previous “cryings” stated above. Yes, Hagar cried over her son Yishmael. This is understandable. She thought her son was dying and had no way of saving him. Her tears were therefore filled with despair. The same was true with Egypt when they cried for Yaakov. They revered him and now he was gone. They thought that nobody would ever take his place… so they cried tears of destruction and tragedy.

Compare that to the tears of Avraham and Yosef. It is true that Avraham cried when Sarah passed away, but they were tears of love and passion for the righteous woman he just lost. This holy man, who passed every test Hashem gave him, didn’t know what despair or depression was! He was all about optimism and unconditional faith in the Almighty. His tears were for the love that was lost and for the flame of passion that was extinguished. The same is true when Yosef and Binyamin cried after finally meeting each other. They were shedding tears of hope for the Jewish future! They wanted us to use those tears to save the world!

So, what about us? How do we cry? The time has come for our tears to pierce the heavens! The Talmud (Bava M’tzia 59a) states the following: “Rabbi Elazar said: From the day the Temple was destroyed, the (heavenly) gates of prayer were locked… but even though the gates of prayer are locked, the (heavenly) gates of tears have not been locked, as it is stated, ‘Hear my prayer, O G-d, and listen to my outcry, you will not be deaf to my tears’” (T’hilim 39:13).

The problem with this is that although we know we need to cry, we were never taught how to do it…until now. Thanks to the Slonimer Rebbe – whose 22nd yahrzeit is on the 7th of Av – you now know how to cry properly.

Tish’ah B’Av will be here in a few days and, unless a miracle occurs (which could happen!), it looks like it will be a Tish’ah B’Av of sadness – not the one we were hoping for. We must, therefore, cry many tears. We need to make sure that those tears are filled with hope that this will be the last time we sit on the floor and mourn. Our weeping must be filled with passion – yes, tears of passion! – that we see the Beis HaMikdash in all its glory, with the Kohen Gadol standing tall and proud! Passionate Jews cannot live without the Beis HaMikdash anymore! And finally: Our crying must be out of love for Hashem’s honor and glory. We cry for Hashem – not for ourselves.

Tears like that will surely pierce the heavens and change Jewish history forever!

Shmuel Sackett was born and raised in Queens. He made aliyah with his wife and children in 1990 and lives in Herzliya Pituach. He is the founder and director of the Am Yisrael Chai Fund ( www.AmYisraelChaiFund.org ). Shmuel would love to hear from you: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..