Since I checked in last, the world changed. So have I. Surviving the coronavirus pandemic, community losses, personal loss, revamping my entire life by choice - and here I am. I had the most painful, best year of my life. The loss of others still weighs on my heart. We remain here for support, anytime.
I wish to convey my gratitude for all the help given during my time of paralysis. I learned to receive. You know who you are. Anyone I have loved, it’s forever. I’ll never forget you. Everything happens “by design.” When a mission is fulfilled, it’s time to move forward. I have. Nothing will make me happier than to hear others have done the same. My prayers are with you.
I am sorry for pain caused by my actions. Truly sorry. I have awakened an updated version now. Clear, strong, blessed to have lived, loved, learned. Blessed with leaders in my life actively. Blessed to be in a leadership role. From my son Joey Newcomb’s song “Lech Lecha”: “Sometimes you’ve gotta leave the past behind.” I outgrew situations; it was time for me to go. Goodbye, rinse and repeat. I learned the amazing truths of wishful thinking, cognitive dissonance, and closed my exits. I applied boundaries, balance, and repair skills. I learned to say no. Authenticity I always had. None of this is an excuse for pain caused others. I’m sorry. I forgive all and I forgive myself. I invite feedback and any way to restore/make amends.
During the time at “home,” a word I’ve come to love, I immersed myself in reflection. Lots of tears, soul-searching, zooms consistently, purposefully, learned to be “present” - not one movie, show, no news, social media, or distractions. Focused productivity. Every time I tried to go off LinkedIn, which I only use for business, I was called back in by the masses. I was told I’m needed. I acquiesced and have a daily column there on teenage issues, among other real-life topics with the goal of activation - one foot in front of the other, and get to the finish line. Eliminate excuses. Feel free to follow me there, as it appears Hashem has no intentions of letting me off. It seems this formerly silenced voice has a great koach/influence. I have written across all forums, spoken, podcasts, YouTube, and much more in the works including completion of certification in “havening touch.” My singles guidance, “gaslighting” courses, bicycle groups, book clubs, and informal gatherings are safely advancing people forward. My greatest pleasure, without personal agenda. Rabbi Goldberg calls it going from amateur to pro. I have a special interest in helping people move forward from “pandemic freeze” - feeling stuck in the mind with post-effects of “uncertainty,” even as it continues. My promise to myself: Never delay/be delayed again, put me into rapid transformation mode naturally, let me help you achieve the same.
There were many setbacks with regards to my website/blog (Yourgreatestshow.com); however, it is now near completion and will have been worth the wait. Many new developments have taken place, much of which I kept private. Let’s just say many lives have been touched by my activities in “Carpe Diem” a support for singles who are commitment minded and truly ready for the next chapter.
Looking forward to the holidays this year is a double-edged sword. Now that the rabbis have given us honest permission to “protest” and stop going around pretending everything is a “silver lining,” many are relieved. They remind us we are a “soul” with a body, not the other way around. Resistance is what causes suffering. Letting go frees us. Which will we choose? I have been blessed to surround myself with those forward thinkers and feelers. The “realists” – whole-hearted folks, who like me, strive for menuchas hanefesh, peaceful harmony. I cannot believe anybody still has any doubt that we are “not in control” after what’s happened; there has been much progress, gratefully. I used to say “It takes a village.” Now I say, “It took a virus.” And I still say, “It is better to have a smile behind a mask than a mask behind a smile.” Trust me on that one, friends.
Holidays in 2020 are different. Our leaders are urging us to celebrate safely this year - “together apart.” It’s ironic that I used to measure relationships that way, by the ability to “hold a charge” while not in physical proximity. Of course, healthy folks do this naturally. When two people become a “we,” there is a change. Obviously, no one would expect to continue living a single lifestyle while “moving up.” The same for our relationship with Hashem. Rabbi Goldberg called it “stop the push-pull.” He urged us to “invite” Hashem into our lives all the time and carry it with us, even when we don’t feel like it. How’s that for a lesson for life? Mevater, submit - a word that makes some uncomfortable. We all just had to submit to the decree of pandemic. It ain’t over yet. It will leave when its job has been done.
There is a reason we were all sent home to our rooms to “think about it.” I will never stop thinking about it. I will never forget all the suffering, lessons, adjustments, as well as the subsequent growth. All healthy balance. Positivity does not mean denial of feelings or disappointments. It means that despite discomfort, we may still know and trust, as I do, that Hashem is in charge and knows better. It does not mean I love everything that happens, that it is our or anyone’s fault, and just that it is and it hurts. It means I wish it were over but I cannot make it end. It means I accept it and still pray intensely for it to end. That delicate balance with this, in relationships, in life, is really a saving grace. It is how we sustain self-value even as we fall and get back up and how we maintain an indestructible bond with Hashem without agenda. We let go of the reins, stop scheming, and, as Rabbi Goldberg (and 12-Step programs) says, “We let go and let G-d.”
I think when we value ourselves, independent of anything or anyone external, we awaken - safely. I started to list all of the changes since one year ago today. It’s night and day. So many people have told me so, yet more importantly, I told myself. I see it, feel it, love it, love me, and know I am enough. I deserve to be cherished. A-listers unite. I’d shout it from the rooftops but I don’t need to. I see everyone as equal and am colorblind by choice. All are welcome here.
As far as business - yes, I am practicing real estate. All kinds actually, now that we’re considered “essential again.” I have a team and have always been a successful team player. I am building, coaching, writing everywhere, speaking, and encouraging, as I do best. It is a rare person who does not respond to my kind of passionate prompting thankfully. My prayers to all for a good New Year filled with abundant simchah, nachas, progress, good health, safety, and most of all, contentment igniting the holidays by choice.