Can you imagine adopting six babies with Down syndrome?
On Sunday night, May 19, an overflow crowd of community women gathered at the home of Sima Mandelbaum to show support for the Erna Lindenfeld Hachnosas Kallah Fund of Queens and to hear an inspiring lecture paying tribute to the beloved mothers in our lives. Mrs. Brenda Katina, a mother par excellence, shared her experience of raising six special-needs children with Down syndrome.
Mrs. Judith Mittel greeted everyone. She shared that the organization sends a significant amount of money to needy kallos in Queens, Israel, and all over the world. Then, Mrs. Ettie Zelmanowitz, president of the organization, led everyone in reciting T’hilim for Eretz Yisrael. As mentioned in a previous article, Mrs. Zelmanowitz’s mother, Mrs. Shifra Witty a”h, presided over the organization for 25 years. She led with love and compassion for every chasan and kallah. She brought the organization to international renown. Millions of dollars were distributed to needy couples during her tenure.
This year, they are receiving more calls for help for kallos from Eretz Yisrael because of the situation there.
This organization began 39 years ago when Rebbetzin Ruth Schonfeld a”h, founding president, started it in memory of Erna Lindenfeld. The goal was to help kallos here and in Israel. This organization provides our community and beyond with the opportunity to give tz’dakah to an incredibly worthy cause.
Mrs. Brenda Katina, who drove from Monroe to speak in Queens, riveted the audience with her personal story of adopting and raising her six beautiful children. Witnessing her passion and her emunah was life-changing.
She shared that she and her husband received the terrible blow that they would not be able to have biological children.
At that moment, everything turned black for her. She looked out the window from the 14th floor and saw no one was looking up. People were just going about their regular lives. She shared that she realized it’s a beautiful world out there. It was now her and her husband’s choice to decide what to do.
She shared, “I chose to take the “elevator,” so to speak, down. We will get strength to make a difference,” she decided. She related that they adopted six children with Down syndrome who are now aged 26, 19, 18, 13, 12, and 7. She adopted them at birth and she named each of them. “They’re my world! Their smile is contagious.”
They have beautiful, innocent faces. They look to her to provide for them as their mother. Some are nonverbal. Only one of her children speaks perfectly clearly. She shared that she raised them from their birth. Some were abandoned in the hospital. She related, “I learned emunah from them.”
We know Hashem is here to take care of our needs. There are so many things that we don’t thank Him for. She shared that she works from nine to five, and she works as a full-time mom forever.
She said that Hashem gave us a survival mechanism. We need to work hard to find that survival mechanism when faced with tests and challenges. She shared a very difficult nisayon that she endured.
A man came from Eretz Yisrael and he needed a place to stay overnight. Her family graciously gave him a place, assuming he was there for a simchah. It turned out that he was there to see a doctor and he was diagnosed with a terminal illness. His one-night stay turned into weeks, months, and longer. He took over the house with his medicines in her china cabinet, with therapists and doctors coming in and out of the house. It was very difficult for her.
At a certain point, she told her father, “I can’t do it. It’s too hard.” Her father told her, “I can’t make it easier for you, but he’s comfortable in your house. The Zohar teaches that when Hashem loves someone, He sends him a gift. Hashem sends him a needy person. He sent you a needy person.”
This helped put the whole situation in a different perspective, and she said to herself that there are 8,000 families in Kiryas Yoel and Hashem chose me to do this mitzvah. She felt honored. She had a whole different feeling about it from then on.
A hospital called and asked her to stay with a two-pound baby in the NICU who was going to die very soon. She went and said Sh’ma with the baby and spoke to the baby about Hashem and that she was going to Olam HaEmes to be with Him. The baby continued to live, and she continued to visit; each time, she sang “Ani Maamin” to the baby. At one point, the doctors asked if she would like to take the baby home. That baby is still living in her home, 13 years later.
She held up the miniature outfit the baby came home in, which was tinier than doll clothing. “This shows Hashem’s amazing kindness,” she said. Hashem will change the verdict of a doctor.
That baby ended up losing her hair due to a condition that causes hair loss. She also lost her eye lashes. This made Mrs. Katina realize how many things we take for granted, like eyelashes, which protect our eyes. She thanked Hashem for eyelashes every day. Then, she showed the audience a photograph. Miraculously, her daughter grew eyelashes, even though the doctors said that it was impossible. She noted that Hashem can do anything.
Eyelashes are a reminder of all the gifts Hashem gives us. When we acknowledge His greatness, the reward is beyond comprehension. She lives life according to “Sefer Emunah,” not medical books.
She shared her experience with her son who has autism and Down syndrome. She shared that he sings this beautiful nigun every day that is sung on Yom Kippur and on Tish’ah B’Av about one of the Ten Martyrs. “I learned emunah from him,” she said. When he was in pain after a tonsillectomy, all he wanted was to sing the song; and in a hoarse voice, he did. “Every time he was in pain, he sang. We also go through so much pain in life. If we look up and say it’s all part of Hashem’s plan, and Hashem loves us so much, then we, too, can sing.”
Her son told her a wish list. She listened to it and then organized it accordingly. He wanted candy for breakfast but of course she wouldn’t give him that. Candy was saved for Shabbos. In the same way, we daven for what we want, and Hashem organizes our list. Don’t forget that Hashem hears every word. Realize that He’s in charge and that everything that happens is a part of His plan.
She said that just as all of her beautiful children know that she is there as their mother to take care of all their needs, we need to know that Hashem, our loving Father, is there to take care of all of our needs.
She related how someone paid her cleaning help extra money and took her away from her on Erev Pesach. The person later apologized. Mrs. Katina said, “It wasn’t from you. You are the messenger. It was from Hashem.” We have to remember that everything is from Hashem.
She concluded that Hashem loves us, and when we acknowledge His greatness, He’ll change everything for us. Remember we are never alone!
By Susie Garber
The Erna Lindenfeld Hachnosas Kallah Fund began in 1985, with the one objective of enabling our community and beyond to fulfill the mitzvah of Hachnasas Kallah. Donating to and supporting this organization is a way to share in the mitzvah of being m’samei’ach chasan v’kallah and helping to build batim ne’emanim b’Yisrael.
Please participate and share in the z’chus of this incredible mitzvah. Your financial support will enable the organization to continue to help young couples begin their married lives in dignity.
For donations to the Hachnosas Kallah Fund of Queens via QuickPay/Zelle, please send to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. For donations using PayPal or a credit card, please visit their website, www.hkqueens.org.
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