Feelin’ Funny: Mordechai Schmutter

One of the clearest things I’ve learned as an adult is this: No one cares if you’re tired. 

As I’m sure you’re aware, this coming Sunday is Mother’s Day (it falls on a Sunday this year) -- a day that people all over the country celebrate by giving mothers off from cooking and cleaning and so on. 

To me, it’s strange to think that every Sefer Torah you will ever see has at some point been transported to shul via a whole massive Hachnosas Sefer Torah.  I’ve only been to like 3 in my life, but this has to be true. 

Lag BaOmer is upon us, and boy do you need a haircut.  Even I can tell.  But should you get one at home or at the barber?  Let’s look at some of the pros and cons.

After 500 articles with this paper, I kind of feel like I need to get something off my chest:

I think that people have to come up with more original things to say to me when they meet me in public.  It’s basically been the same eight lines for the last decade.  I’m a little bit done with these.

Now that Pesach is over, we can actually start with the spring cleaning, and everyone in your house that previously said, “No, that’s spring cleaning,” is, by their word, going to be available to help.  But first, while you wait for them to gather, you’re going to want to clean out your email inbox.  This has nothing to do with Pesach, of course, as most rabbis are actually saying now that emails are not chometz.  But you’ve just gotten the message that your inbox is 92% full and you have to drop everything and take care of it right now, even though if it took 20 years to get 92% full, then mathematically you have a year and a half to take care of it.