Fox News has reported that last week President Trump met with his senior advisors Carshena, Shesar, Admasa, Tarshish, Meres, Marsna, Memuchan, and King Achashverosh and Queen Vashti of Persia at the King’s palace in Shushan. Trump was proud of being the best president in United States history. The economy of the United States is the envy of the world and every other country fears and respects America. He has turned around a country that was destroyed by the Muslim foreigner Obama. Yet, more than 50 percent of the country does not support him. He has overwhelming support in the Orthodox Jewish community, yet it is not 100 percent. Trump blamed it on a bunch of losers and the fake media. He called out one writer, Warren Hecht, who writes for the Queens Jewish Link. He cannot understand why this writer keeps on criticizing him, since the president has done what supporters of Israel such as Mr. Hecht have wanted, such as moving the United States embassy to Jerusalem. Clearly, Hecht is a loser and nothing more than a far left-wing Democrat who never will like Trump no matter what he does. They should have never let his grandparents into this country. This is what happens when you let in impoverished individuals without college degrees. If they do not destroy the country, their descendants will.
Trump complained that he is losing money by being president. People are shunning his properties. His name is not a big seller. Ego and power can only count for so much. He is no youngster. Bloomberg, with his billions, is making him look like a pauper. Trump said if a deal can be made that would give family members and some of his supporters high positions in a new administration, he is willing to change his mind and not run for a second term. This way he can go back to spending his time running casinos in Atlantic City, trying to get Trump Tower built in Russia, and engaging in other money-making operations.
There were discussions with “Madai Mitch” McConnell, majority leader of the Senate, who was receptive to the idea. McConnell then met with House Speaker Nancy “the Grim Ripper” Pelosi and they formulated a plan as to who should be the new president. They wanted to have a unified ticket to help bring together a divided country.
They came up with the “BO” ticket. For the first time there will be co-presidents, George W. Bush and Barack Obama. Also, in the Year of the Woman, they decided that a woman should be vice president. It might as well be a spouse. Only Michelle Obama agreed.
There was immediate reaction. Harvard law professor Lawrence (not a member of the) Tribe said that it violated the 22nd Amendment of the Constitution which prohibited a president from serving more than two terms. (“No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice”). Fellow Harvard law professor Alvin Drashawitz disagreed and pointed out that the amendment only precluded a person from serving as the sole president for more than two terms. It did not preclude an individual from later serving as a co-president.
The was some response from some of the Democratic candidates for president. Senior Senator Bernie “Castro” Sanders said the idea made him feel like a newlywed again. When he was married in 1988, he and his wife went to the then-USSR, where those in power selected their replacements. “Magic Mike” Bloomberg had no problem since it meant both that he would not spend any more money on a losing campaign and Trump would no longer be president. Former Vice President Joe “Sleepy Time” Biden was unavailable for comment, since he was taking a nap.
There was discussion about various positions in the new administration. Ivanka Trump would be Secretary of Labor. President Trump noted that Ivanka knows something about labor because she gave birth to his grandchildren.
Donald Trump Jr. would be Secretary of the Interior. This way he can set the rules which will allow him to shoot all the buffalo and any other game that he wants. Eric Trump will become secretary of a top-secret agency that is so top secret that it does not exist. Barron Trump will be Secretary of Education. Who knows more about the best way to teach our children than a child in the system? It worked in the movie “Big” (a child creating toys children like) so it should work with education.
The new Secretary of Homeland Security will be Melania Trump. She is an immigrant, so she knows how to deal with them.
Rudy Giuliani will become Secretary of State. According to Donald Trump, Rudy has done a great job of fighting corruption in Ukraine.
Walking into the new position of secretary of the new Space Force branch of the military is Luke Skywalker. If Skywalker can defeat Darth Vader, imagine what he can do to the Russians and the Chinese. If Major Tom ever returns to earth, he can become undersecretary.
Rambo (Sylvester Stallone) will be the Secretary of Defense. If Rambo can defeat small armies by himself, imagine what he can do with the military behind him.
The Village People will be the Secretary of the Navy. This shows that the country is serious about diversity. They have done more to promote the Navy with their song “In the Navy” than anyone else.
The United States government keeps on spending money that it does not have while also giving tax breaks. This has resulted in trillions of dollars a year in deficits. The government has been printing more money and selling bonds to pay for the shortfall. Bernie Madoff would be a perfect candidate for Secretary of the Treasury. The person who made the largest private Ponzi scheme would now be in charge in the nation’s largest public Ponzi scheme.
Julian Assange will become White House Communications Director. He knows how to obtain and then disseminate information by any means.
Jim Cramer will be Energy Secretary. Cramer, who has a show “Mad Money” on CNBC, has boundless energy and dabbles in the stock market.
The next Attorney General is Perry Mason. If he had been representing those charged by Robert Mueller, they all would have gotten off. Mason never loses a case.
The position of FBI Director will be filled by Carter Page. He was victimized by an overzealous FBI. He will make the necessary reforms.
United States Attorney Southern District of New York will be Hamilton Burger, a prosecutor who always lost to Perry Mason. The Trump empire’s main location is in the Southern District. He needs a loser in charge. This way he does not have to worry about any potential prosecution.
Mr. Potato Head will head the Department of Agriculture.
Dick Fuld, as CEO of Lehman Brothers, presided over the biggest bankruptcy in American history and thus is well qualified for Secretary of Commerce.
Gomer Pyle will be Secretary of Veterans Affairs. Pyle spent five years in the United States Marine Corps from 1964 to 1969.
Roger Stone is perfect for White House Press Secretary. He always has something to say even when he is not allowed to.
Mr. Magoo is the best candidate for Transportation Secretary.
Julie Andrews will be the Ambassador to Austria.
There are other positions that are still open, so if you know someone who you think may be appropriate, please write to the White House c/o The Bush Man.
Have a happy Purim!