Do you sometimes feel as though you are suffering in silence? I know. You wish more people were fluent in silence. But honestly, do you feel comfortable speaking your mind? Perhaps you are angry about something. Maybe you never truly tell him what you want or what’s wrong.
Speaking up can feel really difficult for some of us. Some of your so-called friends may not be truly interested in what you have to say, especially if it conflicts with their views. You may try just a bit too much to appease. It takes courage and sometimes fearlessness to share your thoughts and especially your hurt feelings.
You dare not cause any distress or disquiet, so you stay silent. But we all yearn to feel heard, sweet friends. Does she acknowledge your feelings? Does he lend legitimacy or at least validate your anxiety or sadness?
Try saying this to him: “I see that it’s been too much for you lately. I recognize that.” Our parents may not have known how to reflect our moods back to us at times. Our loved ones may think that noting our feelings will make our negative feelings even worse. How do you feel when it seems as if no one ever listens?
You may push some emotions away out of fear. But once you’ve been truly heard, you will tend to get less angry or frustrated. If he identifies with you, it feels as though your emotions got an airing and are now less ferocious. Heck, I’m tough, and can take whatever life throws at me. Especially if it’s dipped in chocolate first. You know that strength is the capacity to break a Hershey bar into four pieces with your bare hands and then just eat one of the pieces.
But seriously, pay attention to how you respond to your friends and loved ones. You can uplift her mood by playing her feelings right back to her. Or by buying her coffee: the WD-40 of adulthood. I do what I can to make the world a happier place. For example, I had my coffee today.
But truly, try saying: “You must be feeling so frustrated about that right now.” No need to overindulge your children either. But do pin back your ears and listen intently, please.
There is no end to what you would do for friends who recognize and show regard for your feelings. When we are deeply saddened, heavy-hearted, or heartsore, we can’t summon up solutions or alternatives for our situation. You do have choices, sweet friends. Do not imprison yourself by narrow circumstances.
You are profoundly flexible and can become more than you can fathom. Feed your imagination and force your mind to picture a more preferable way to be. Can you list the things that actually make your life meaningful? Perhaps you should take time and contemplate the story of your life.
It may be that there are possibilities in your life that you are simply not pursuing. Please embrace your imperfections. We are all inherently vulnerable and even prone to error. No matter how brilliant he appears, from close up he is just as unsure and unsettled as you are at times.
Be generous to others. We universally crave friendship and love. Do not judge, as it is a basic sign of maturity to acknowledge how unbalanced we all are. Don’t run away from the thought that at times you act like a fool. Shed your ego and pride, please.
Stop hitting the snooze button on your life. You know what they say: A day without a nap is like a cupcake without frosting. You know you’ve grown up when taking a nap is no longer a punishment, but a reward.
But seriously, please stop taking offense at opposing views. Make peace with the idea that you are doing your very best. Accept your mutual weaknesses with your friends. Help him become the best version he can be, and don’t highlight her less than impressive moments.
Things will simply not always go well. Be open to the fact that discontentment and dissatisfaction are part of the human condition. No, he should not love you
“just the way you are.” Sure, you may feel undue pressure to present a certain way. But do work on being better and accept that you cannot fully understand someone else.
You must learn to transcend your very self. Motivate yourself, please. Once a day, rehearse all that is good for you. After all, the best project you will ever work on is…yourself. Your life only gets better when you do.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
