We were taught as young children to always think of others first. To this day, you may struggle desperately to see things from his point of view. You try awfully hard to put her first and at the center of your life. For most, this is extraordinarily important. But some of us take this way too close to heart. In the process, we surrender and abdicate our own selves.
Do you think that one of the greatest risks to your goodness is simply being selfish? What do you call a selfish sponge? Self-absorbed. But truly, perhaps you tend to automatically take care of his needs before your own. You can go so far as to practically erase yourself.
You may also have great difficulty saying “no” to others despite how it inconveniences you. You dare not cause frustration to anyone but yourself. Yes, it is possible to be too selfless. We may even stay in relationships with some who neglect or drain us. The ones who take you for granted are not especially grateful for all your sacrifices.
Weakness is not the same as kindness, sweet friends. Please do not allow others to disregard you. And for those on the receiving end, do not exploit those well-meaning friends or loved ones. If you claim to love her, you will encourage her to pursue her interests, as well.
You may need to learn how to prioritize your own concerns. Others may label you self-indulgent. Do not fret. You have the right to respond to your own inner calling at times.
Have you taken any time to work on your psychological or spiritual side? Do you actually nourish your mind? What is the meaning of your life? You may have to direct your mind inward and upward, my friends.
Have you truly worked out what it is you need to be happy? The world will continue to go its own merry way without you checking the fear-mongering nonsense of daily news updates. Throw away all the socially proscribed rules, please. Become loyal to who you actually are.
We all belong to a species that is compelled by its very nature to mess up on occasion. We are doomed to slip up at one time or another. The way you talk to yourself will either give you energy or can emotionally tear you to pieces. Listen, one advantage of talking to yourself is at least you know someone’s listening. But truly, break that cycle of disagreeable and displeasing self-evaluation, please.
I know. It is difficult to keep up with self-care routines. You tried walking one day. Walking can be your mental CTRL ALT DEL. Walking is the perfect way to stay in shape, unless you’re walking to the fridge for snacks. Uh-oh. The truth is that you may be one dance class away from a good mood.
You meditated, too. Listen, you’ve mastered the selfie. Now master thyself. But life tends to get overwhelming, and we get bogged down. We lose hope. Keep your calm, sweet friends, and know that your interpretation and judgments are what hurt you or make you angry. Others’ views are not a reflection of your true worth.
Always reflect on yourself and know that the quality of your thoughts will determine the quality of your life. Ask yourself when criticized: How can I respond in a way that is consistent with my values?
Always pause. Impulsive reactions often lead to unnecessary suffering and even poor decisions. Resist the impulse to react immediately to others. Do not look for the good in external things, but in yourself. Trying to understand his emotions can surely lead to better interactions and emotional growth. You know what they say: True happiness is finding the perfect emoji.
If she is disrespectful toward you, it is most likely caused by her own fears and insecurities. Reduce your own negative feelings by reminding yourself that it’s not personal. Remain dignified, please. Know what characteristics define you. Do not put too much emphasis on what others think of you.
Do you struggle to define your values? To gain a strong sense of self, spend some time with yourself. It may be uncomfortable at first, but you may learn what you truly want and how you actually feel. Stop shrinking to fit places that you have outgrown. It’s okay to outgrow people who aren’t growing. It’s been said: “Life is like an elevator; on your way up, sometimes you have to stop and let people off.”
Do not overly rely on others in your relationships. Remember that, in the end, no one knows you better than you.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
