Is your life going the way you planned? Have you achieved your well-defined goals? Hmmm. Sometimes life has other plans for us. Mistakes, illness, or some other event can derail us entirely. We realize that our hopeful plan cannot come to fruition. Did you ever make Plan B or C? Something unexpected will inevitably come along in our lives, yet we wonder how things ended up this way.
You may become angry at having to develop a new plan of action. Trust me: You are eminently capable of developing new visions for your life. You are not permanently locked in. Draw comfort from the fact that you can adapt and adjust. Do not cling too firmly to the idea of how everything in your life “should” have turned out.
You are profoundly adaptable if you remain open-minded and amenable, sweet friends. One door closed, but have you tried the other entrances? You may have to change careers, or even end relationships. Some of us have to literally start over.
Believe it or not, some claim that their new plan worked even better than their original. Be confident that you can always find a new path, if need be.
In light of world events beyond your control, do you find yourself responding with intense fear or anger? You wake up feeling calm but soon you are catapulted into anguish and angst. It may seem like only catastrophe and calamity lie ahead. We would all love to better hold on to hopefulness, but what do we do when situations actually demand that we be overly concerned and cautious?
Let’s be honest. It is thoroughly exhausting to be visited by such fears and powerful feelings all day long. Well, you know what they say: You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.
But truly, our minds acknowledge that life may have become dangerous, and we feel constantly afraid. We view images on social media and reflect on how dispiriting existence has become.
These fearful thoughts may remind us of horrors our people once experienced. We may feel fated to be hated and persecuted. This may command unending power over our emotions. We are primed to sniff out danger around us. How do we respond to the threats?
We must not lose our powers of discrimination, sweet friends. Not everything is evidence of doom. We must accept the appalling events, but not be drawn to them by watching awful updates daily.
When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, when I see my electricity bill, I’m scared of the lights. By the way… Two things that will make your day better: 1 – Do not watch the news. 2 – Stay off the bathroom scale.
Yes, there are those who wish to harm us. But we must find resting places. We must look for stories of goodness and love. Be kind and soothing to yourself and those around you. What will happen? No one knows, my friends. Maintain your curiosity and confidence in life, please. You are not profoundly helpless.
Hugely powerful moods may be passing through you, but do not fret. I know. You wish you were full of pizza instead of emotions. You know what they say: Pizza is like duct tape – it fixes everything. But seriously, no need to even make sense of all of them. Recover your breath and inhale deeply. Exhale slowly. This is not the end of everything good and true.
Life is bearable, and we must console, bring comfort, and even cheer one another. Reassure her during the midst of panic that she can access a voice that calms her uneasiness. Tell him that what matters is simply…him. You have faith that he will endure.
Be attentive and know that life is much harder than it needs to be without the comforting and calming of our loved ones. Days and nights need not be rocked with sorrow and suffering.
Seek out friends who can hearten and uplift you. Ask for it if need be. Do not withdraw, please. People need to process feelings before they “move on.” Do not make her feel bad for having those strong emotions.
Ask: “What can I do to help you?” No, we are not all going through the same thing. Everyone processes things differently. Do not invalidate his feelings. Try saying, “I wish I had the right words, but I am here to listen.”
Do not tell him that you know what he is going through. People feel emotions with different intensities. Tell her that you cannot imagine what she is going through, but that you are there for her. Just remember, sweet friends: It’s been said: Fear can keep us up all night long, but faith makes one fine pillow.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
