The Aruch HaShulchan writes that when one recites Birkas HaMazon after a meal, he should wear a head covering that covers most of his head (Magen Avraham) like a hat. He quotes from other sources that one should wear a “beged elyon” (outer garment) although he says that he is unsure of the source of this minhag.
There was once a religious businessman who was close to the family of Rav Chaim Kanievsky. This man would speak to Rav Chaim on many occasions involving his business dealings and always followed the advice of daas Torah that was given to him by the tzadik. He once came to Rav Chaim to inquire about the need to wear a hat and jacket for bentching. Is this a minhag or an actual requirement, he wanted to know.
The businessman phrased his question as follows: “Rebbi, the problem is that often I am required to attend “working dinners” where I sit with high-powered businessmen to discuss and hammer out the details of large deals and transactions. Many times, this is conducted in restaurants, and even though, of course, they are glatt kosher establishments, in such a setting it might look strange if I’m the only person at the table wearing a hat and jacket.”
Rav Chaim shook his head. Not only must you not tread leniently on this mitzvah, but you must also always make sure to wear an extra covering on your head (to cover the entire head) and an outer garment on your body when you bentch. This is the halachah (See Gemara, B’rachos 51a, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 44:6). “Not only that,” said Rav Chaim, “doing so is a s’gulah for riches. Believe me, you will surely not lose out if you are careful to properly keep this fine practice.”
The man was scrupulous from that day forward. A number of weeks went by, and the businessman found himself involved in a huge real estate deal, worth tens of millions of shekel. Many days were devoted to the deal and one final meeting with the lead broker was necessary to close it. They agreed to talk over dinner in a fancy kosher restaurant, even though the broker was not religious. The restaurant was good enough even for his standards and he agreed to meet there.
During the meal, the two men discussed various aspects of the deal and were close to finalizing. They were just five million shekel apart – a small sum in the total scheme of this large and heavily involved real estate transaction. But neither man would budge. Each insisted that the money was coming to him and the back-and-forth exchange was at first congenial. After some time, it began to become heated. No amount of logical argumentation could sway the other. Each brought facts and figures to the table proving why the money really should go to him and they seemed to be at a real impasse.
The religious businessman thought the matter over and realized that this deal was too big to lose over a few million shekel. He waited until they had finished eating and he told himself that right after bentching, he would give in to the other man’s demands and take the deal as is. He excused himself and stood up to wash mayim acharonim and get his hat and jacket for bentching, just as he was told to do by Rav Chaim. It was clear that giving in was the only way to rescue the deal from falling apart and as he walked back to the table with his hat and jacket on, he told himself that it was all for the best.
He approached his table and, before he could even sit down, the other man suddenly jumped out of his seat, stuck out his hand and announced, “Okay, you win! We will do it your way. I will yield to your demands and let you keep the five million shekel. The most important thing is that we finalize this now and get the deal done!”
The surprised businessman shook the other’s hand and sat down to bentch. When he was finished, he turned to his competitor and asked inquisitively, “So tell me, what caused you to change your mind. You were so adamant all throughout the meal that you were right, and then all of a sudden, you changed your mind. What happened?”
“What do you mean?” said the non-religious man. “When you got up and put on your hat and jacket, I realized that as a man of principle, you were prepared to allow the deal to blow up and walk away if you didn’t get what you want. I said to myself, for the five million shekel, it’s not worth losing out on such a big deal – so I gave in!”
Rabbi Dovid Hoffman is the author of the popular “Torah Tavlin” book series, filled with stories, wit and hundreds of divrei Torah, including the brand new “Torah Tavlin Yamim Noraim” in stores everywhere. You’ll love this popular series. Also look for his book, “Heroes of Spirit,” containing one hundred fascinating stories on the Holocaust. They are fantastic gifts, available in all Judaica bookstores and online at http://israelbookshoppublications.com . To receive Rabbi Hoffman’s weekly “Torah Tavlin” sheet on the parsha, e-mail This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
