Do you have a habit you desperately wish to break? Do you munch late at night, gossip, smoke, or drink a tad too much? Those who gossip sure do have a sense of rumor. Why is it so dang hard to break that groove? Believe it or not, your brain seeks to minimize effort. So, when you create a habit pattern, you no longer have to think about it much. You are now on automatic pilot.
Think about it. How much attention do you pay while brushing your teeth or even driving to the same place every day? Our routines tend to offer us a reward of some kind. Your brain may not be participating fully in the decision-making at this step, hence the entire bag of Cheetos and Haagen Dazs at midnight. Speaking of which, don’t you hate it when you’re eating something crunchy, and you can’t hear what they’re saying on TV? Then again, they say: Don’t let your ice cream melt while you’re counting someone else’s sprinkles.
Trust me, a habit will overrule even what you know is not good for you. Your intentions may change, but did your behavior? That huge chunky, chocolate chip cookie can be an energy boost midday or a relief from hunger, right? Perhaps, it’s just a craving for something decadent and sweet. Speaking of which, have you ever tried one of those single-serving cookie recipes? Neither have I. But what if the real reason is just an excuse to socialize with your co-workers at the water cooler? Is it worth the calories? Then again, you can’t be a smart cookie if you have a crummy attitude.
In what areas do you have high willpower? How about those in which you have low willpower? Do you feel the need to reward yourself after you have sacrificed or tried really hard? Do you overspend and insist on rewarding yourself with a designer bag? Does all your emotional baggage fit into your Gucci bag? There may be behaviors you wish to eliminate entirely. When you identify a behavior as who you are, it may be easier to resist. If you decide to keep kosher, then you simply don’t eat lobster. You do not even debate that in your head.
But suppose it’s about having that chocolate bar first thing in the morning. Now you torture yourself and your mindset is all muddled with duality: Should I or shouldn’t I? Listen, there are only two things I like about chocolate: the inside and the outside. But seriously, first ask yourself if you are anxious or bored perhaps. When you are blasé’ or fatigued, do you notice the compulsion to eat, drink, or buy something?
You may need to find a competing response, sweet friends, like some sort of physical stimulation. Take a short walk perhaps, or simply replace it with a healthier habit of your choice. If you do something frequently without much deliberation, it’s likely an ingrained habit. What are some of yours?
You may have convinced yourself that the behavior is helpful to you somehow. After a stressful meeting at work, you take a smoke break. It may curb your stress for the moment by focusing on something else, but is that sense of relief acquired at a price to your physical health?
Please do not allow bad routines and practices to outpace your decision-making process. To reach a long-term behavior change, your good intentions will not suffice. If watching your favorite show at night inevitably leads you to grab that bag of chips or another beer, then start by identifying where you are and what time you have the craving. Then again, they say there’s no louder sound than the crunch of something you’re not supposed to be eating.
Try to modify that routine so you can build a new pattern. Interrupt it and replace it with one that is less harmful. Procrastinating may convince you that it is protecting you, but that payoff will surely end with negative consequences. My mother always told me I wouldn’t amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, “Just wait.”
You may be pacifying your negative feelings and trying to soothe yourself with distractions like social media. Seeking validation will not meet your true inner need, sweet friends. Do not keep trying to prove yourself to everyone please.
Whatever your bad habit is, practice and rehearse overcoming it. No need to get rid of all the chocolate chip cookies or chips, but find another way to feel good. It’s been said: Cookies have taught me that everything in life is better when you add chocolate chips. But truly, what other behavior can you do instead? Write in your journal, work out for a few minutes, or even clean your room? I clean when I’m frustrated. So, if you show up unannounced and my house is clean, you might want to reconsider your visit.
But in all seriousness: Ask yourself: What would my higher self do? We will always have times when we feel insecure. Our job is to win more battles against bad behavior. Trust me, if you listen to your higher self, your payoff will be inner strength and momentum to change your life.
Whoever said “Good things come to those who wait” had clearly never tried cookie dough. But truly, have patience with yourself, sweet friends, and don’t forget to take pride and to celebrate your healthy and wholesome habits.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
