I heard the following story from Dovid and Chaya Stein. Their story began several years ago, when they moved into their new apartment in Israel. Their neighbors were all friendly and lovely people. As time went on, several neighbors wished to expand their apartments.
The Steins’ neighbor, the Grosses, wanted very much to build, and presented their plans to the neighbors. (You need a certain number of neighbors to agree to the plans without needing to go through a whole legal process in City Hall.) The Steins were concerned that the Grosses plans would prevent them from building in the future. They expressed their concerns to the Grosses, hoping that they could work something out. There was much back and forth, but neither side was willing to back down. The Grosses began to feel personally offended, and expressed it to the Steins. Things were becoming tense and unpleasant. When Dovid asked other people for ideas, he got varying responses. One person suggested to gang up all the other neighbors against the Grosses. Another person bluntly said, “shoot them in the head (figuratively) and don’t give in!” None of those suggestions seemed appealing to Dovid. As things were turning more unpleasant, Dovid decided to discuss it with his rebbi, a distinguished talmid chacham and rabbi. The rebbi tried to give a few suggestions for how Dovid might approach the Grosses. Dovid tried, but the Grosses weren’t in any mood to negotiate anything. Dovid returned to the rabbi with the update.
The rebbi said,” If things are turning nasty, then the best thing to do now will be to be mevater, to give in. Rabbi Ahron Leib Shteinman zts”l was famous for saying that he never saw anyone lose out from being mevater. Try to get some assurance from them that they will help you in the future, and in writing if possible. And if they won’t do that, it’s still worth it to be mevater in this case.” Dovid didn’t necessarily love the idea of giving in; what would be for him in the future? How would he not be damaged? But he decided to listen to his rebbi, and returned to the Grosses with the update. They were very happy to receive the permission, but refused to make any promises for the future. They would need to see and speak over any future plans. This bothered Dovid greatly, but he bit his tongue and didn’t comment. The other neighbors didn’t give the Grosses an easy time either, but eventually most gave their approval.
Time passed, and eventually the Grosses went through with their expansions, with everyone in the building tolerating the workers, noise, and mess. When it was finished, everyone enjoyed the quiet, and the Grosses enjoyed their newly expanded home.
After a while, the Steins decided to also build and expand. They began to draw up plans, and began to ask the neighbors. Lo and behold, everyone had a reason why they wouldn’t sign for the Steins. Dovid and Chaya couldn’t believe what they were hearing. One neighbor claimed that the Steins expansion would connect to the Grosses expansion and would then eventually block him. So, why’d he sign for the Grosses? That’s then and this is now. Oh. Another neighbor wanted shalom in the building, and if one person would be upset, then he wouldn’t sign. So, why’d he sign for the Grosses? Whatever. And the Grosses, they had all types of claims and complaints, and they would only agree to a very small and restricted expansion. The Steins tried to speak calmly to everyone, but they felt betrayed and taken advantage of. Dovid went to his rebbi to get some advice. His rebbi heard him out, and again tried giving some practical advice. Dovid tried approaching the neighbors again, but nobody was interested in any compromise. Dovid returned to his rebbi, who once again advised Dovid to be mevater, versus having a long and drawn-out fight.
That weekend, the Steins went away to stay by some friends for Shabbos. Their hosts excitedly told them that Rabbi and Rebbetzin Koledetsky (son-in-law and daughter of Rav Chaim Kanievsky zts”l) were staying in an apartment in their building for Shabbos! Dovid and Chaya decided to try and get a brachah from them. Shabbos afternoon, Chaya knocked on the door of the Koldetsky’s apartment. Rebbetzin Koledetsky answered. Chaya wished her a good Shabbos, which the Rebbetzin warmly returned, and then began to ask about their building plans and neighbors. As soon as Rebbetzin Koledetsky heard the word neighbors, she interrupted and said, “levater levater levater….(to be mevater) and you’ll see blessing!” Levater many times over. Chaya thanked her and left. When she told Dovid, he also wanted a brachah, so they went back, and the scene repeated itself, receiving the same response. Now they had their answer.
The Steins decided to quit their building plans, and to try to sell and buy instead. The next day, they contacted an agent to try and sell. A few days later, they found a larger apartment for sale, through a different agent, in a good area. Within a week they had a buyer for their apartment. Within a month they had the mortgages worked out, and the buyer and seller met with the Steins by their lawyer, and they sold and bought at that session. The agent of the apartment they bought commented, “You must have some merit. I’ve seen many cases, and to be able to sell and buy at the same time in so short a time period is extremely rare!”
Which merit was it? It could have been many things. But it most certainly seems that listening to the daas Torah to be mevater, and hearing the same thing from Rebbetzin Koledetsky and receiving her brachah, brought the results. Being mevater has tremendous power. However, each case is complex, and should be thought through thoroughly, which I believe is the bigger message here.
Seeking the advice and listening to da’as Torah, a complete Torah opinion, is the point here. Many people have life experience and knowledge, and there are many people with Torah knowledge. However, the advice and instruction from a talmid chacham who is fully engrossed in Torah learning comes out with a vastly superior response. Why? Because the more one’s mind is full with Torah, and only Torah, the closer they are to Hashem and the more clarity they have to all questions and all issues. As the Torah says in parshas Shoftim, v’shamarta la’asot k’chol asher yorucha, guard and do all that you are instructed by the rabbanim, lo tasur…yamin usmol- don’t stray from what they tell you, not right or left. Rashi explains: Even if they tell you that your right is your left and your left is your right, listen to them.
Our talmidei chachamim are not infallible. That’s not the point. Rather, their opinion is undiluted and clear from outside influences, and more connected to the kedushah coming from the Torah with siyata dishmaya, Divine help from Above.
This is the message I’d like to share from the Steins’ story. Asking and following daas Torah, even when difficult, brings out the best results, along with the incredible siyata dishmaya. In every situation. We should treasure our talmidei chachamim and seek their advice and direction.
May we merit to have the proper Torah guidance in these very challenging times. As we enter the month of Elul, the month of teshuvah, we should merit to receive the siyata dishmaya to return to Hashem and merit to greet Mashiach very soon!
By R’ Dovi Chaitovsky
