Residents line the streets waving Israeli flags to accompany a newly bereaved family as they head to the funeral of their loved one killed in battle. We enter the cemetery and pass the table where volunteers offer water bottles, tissues, and T’hilim cards printed with the p’rakim of T’hilim specifically recited during a funeral. We have become all too familiar with the military funerals of the IDF.
While there is pain and suffering, which we all pray that nobody should experience, recent events have exposed the greatness of the human spirit in a way we usually don’t get to see. We hear about the admirable qualities and accomplishments of those cut down in their prime. In addition to that, we can observe how those left behind react to their tragic circumstances. The response we are seeing is truly awe-inspiring.
Iris Haim is the mother of Hamas hostage Yotam Haim, who was accidentally shot dead by the IDF when they mistook him and two others for terrorists as they tried to escape captivity. Iris sent an extraordinary video message to the chayalim involved in the tragic incident. She told them that she loves them and that they should not blame themselves for what happened. They are not at fault. No one in her family is judging them or angry at them. They understand that the chayalim are doing their best in a highly problematic and complicated situation.
When the chayalim went to pay a shiv’ah call, they told the family that they had been unable to function for several days after the incident. But once they heard Iris’ message, they returned to themselves. Iris was happy about this and offered to give them chizuk any time.
Not only does Iris not blame the chayalim for the death of her son, which would be an understandable response, but she reaches out to them to make sure they don’t blame themselves. In her moment of intense suffering, Iris looks past her personal pain and focuses on the pain of others. This is truly remarkable.
Hadas Loewenstern, the widow of Elisha Loewenstern, killed while fighting in Gaza, inspires all who are fortunate to hear her speak. At the time of his death, Elisha was the seventh student of Yeshivat Hesder Yerucham who had been killed in the war. Sadly, since then, there has been one more. When the yeshivah sent out an announcement about Elisha’s death, Hadas was very particular about which words they would use. She did not want them to announce Elisha’s death “with sadness” or “with grief,” but rather “with our heads held high.”
Since the death of her husband, Hadas has granted multiple interviews. In a telephone interview conducted by Galei Tzahal (the radio station of the IDF) several hours after her husband had been killed, while she was in the car on the way to identify Elisha, Hadas spoke about the z’chus that he had to go out with tanks and shells and hit our enemies on the head. This opportunity was something their grandparents could only have dreamed about. She explained that many light Chanukah candles and sing “Al HaNisim,” but here in Israel, our whole life is “Al HaNisim.”
Hadas quoted Rav Druckman, a Holocaust survivor and prominent rav in Israel, whom she followed until his death one year ago. Rav Druckman stated that Holocaust survivors appreciate the existence of the State of Israel. But those born in Israel don’t always feel that same excitement. He stressed that we are living a miracle.
Hadas explained that human nature sometimes causes us to focus on the negative. But we are superhuman (she definitely is) and can focus on the positive. We are part of the chain of Jewish history. While her personal pain is great, Hadas says that the story of our nation gives her strength.
In an interview with the Kan Moreshet radio station, Hadas explains the plan for the Loewenstern family. The enemy killed her husband. That was a g’zeirah miShamayim (a Divine decree). But she will not allow them to take one bit of her life. The Loewensterns will continue to live. The family got up from shiv’ah on a Thursday and stayed home for Shabbos. On Friday, she gave out jobs to her children in preparation for Shabbos. The Loewenstern family will march forward and live life with simchah. Such clarity, strength, and determination!
The level of emunah that Hadas exhibits is particularly striking, due to the fact that she grew up in a secular home. Her father is active in Koach Kaplan (the Kaplan Force), a liberal group of Israeli citizens dedicated to fighting against judicial reform. Hadas and her father disagree about many things, but they don’t focus on the things that divide them. Many differences exist between the various sectors of Israeli society, but Hadas encourages us all to focus on our commonalities rather than our differences. She calls out loud and asks that people lift up their heads and stand proud. Am Yisrael Chai!
These are hard days for all of us. We are in a situation that we would never have asked for. But maybe we can follow the lead of these women and use this difficult situation as a springboard for personal growth and an opportunity to maintain perspective, respond to the needs of others, and become better people through our challenges.
Please continue to daven for the recovery of the sick, the release of the remaining hostages, and the success and safe return of all the chayalim and security personnel.
Suzie Steinberg, (nee Schapiro), CSW, is a native of Kew Gardens Hills and resident of Ramat Beit Shemesh who publishes articles regularly in various newspapers and magazines about life in general, and about life in Israel in particular. Her recently published children’s book titled Hashem is Always With Me can be purchased in local Judaica stores as well as online. Suzie can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and would love to hear from you.
