Dating Today


 No man is an island – isn’t that how the saying goes? It is human nature to want to socialize and...

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I grappled between publishing this letter along with my response, or not. I decided to publish it, because I will not shy away from topics that are affecting our frum community because the topics are not rated G and therefore appropriate for pre-teens to hear and be exposed to. I will not only answer questions such as, “The boy said he wears a black hat all the time, but my aunt saw him in the pizza shop without wearing it!” If you read the letter and my response carefully, you will see that I answered the questioned asked – nothing more, nothing less. This may be the type of article that can help families start the conversation that I think all families should have. Out of all the letters on this topic that I received, this was the tamest and most general that I thought would be appropriate for this type of newspaper.

A few weeks ago I published an article re: how I was berated at work, and how lies were readily believed about me, even when I had evidence to disprove all. I told my readers how I stood up for myself and, even if the person I was addressing wasn’t paying attention to the words coming out of my mouth, I was proud of myself that I did not take the lies and criticism lying down and humbly walk out of the office with my tail between my legs, apologizing for “my behavior.” I told my readers to always stand up for themselves and never let anyone – especially not someone you are dating – make you feel bad about yourself or put you down. Well, the emails came pouring in. I’d like to share parts of some of them with you, in some cases large parts of the emails. It doesn’t matter the situation; all these people felt that they stood up for themselves.

 No man is an island – isn’t that how the saying goes? It is human nature to want to socialize and be around others. Yes, there are those with different phobias, such as agoraphobia. And there are those who live in a cabin in the woods, cut off from civilization. But I am speaking about people in the general use of the word. We are a species that needs and even craves interaction with others.

 I have always said that I truly believe people mean well, and I try to be dan l’chaf z’chus in all situations. Yet I am human and sometimes I do get frustrated or annoyed at someone without knowing the full story or their intentions. That being said, when I read the email below, I felt for the single woman who wrote the letter. I truly do not think the intentions of her cousin were mean or in any way trying to flaunt the fact that she is married with a family and her single cousin is not. Still, the single cousin was hurt. Read on.

Dear Goldy:

I dated someone. We went out three times and things didn’t work out and we didn’t go out again. That was about six or seven months ago. Recently I heard that he got sick and passed away.

I have read plenty of emails from people asking for advice, and others who freely give advice and tell me what I should write about and why. But I have never had someone begin an email asking a question, seeking out advice and end the email with figuring out what she wants to do. Until now.

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