Cut out all that junk food. Stop procrastinating and clean up the clutter. Oh, right, you’re not a procrastinator. You just prefer doing things in a deadline-induced panic. Get some exercise, for mercy’s sake. You just saw three people jogging, so it inspired you to get up – and close the blinds. Eat your spinach. Get more fiber. Floss those pearly whites. It’s good for you. Well, ice cream is good for me, too. It happens to have a low glycemic index – and contains milk, which we all know has tons of essential nutrients and vitamins. So there. Want the inside scoop? It’s never too cold for ice cream.

Stuck in the past? Just jump into a cold shower and wash off all the muck and mud from this past year. Easier said than done, you say. True. But I’ll bet you would stand a chance on American Idol if you could bring your shower on stage. It’s not exactly a cinch to dust yourself off and try again while the mainstream media insists on reminding you of “Covey” every ten seconds.

Have you been embracing your inner lunatic lately? Did y’all notice how some of us are inordinately better than others at dealing with the hurt, harm, headaches, and heaviness in the world right now. I had my patience tested. I’m negative. Are you walking around with outward smiles, but indoor screams? By the way, when was the last time you saw someone smile? Oh, that’s right. You can’t. Face masks. Well, at least ventriloquism got easier. Many have given up smiling entirely. We’re all on the road to De-mask-us. Of course, you’re not planning to turn your clock back on November 1. Seriously, none of us need an extra hour of 2020.

Looking for certainty? Well, you know what they say: There are only three things in life that are certain: death, Adobe updates, oh, and taxes. Speaking of which, the nicest feeling is when you receive a tax refund, until you realize it was your own money in the first place. But seriously, you may feel that every time you “get with the program,” someone changes the channel.

If you are not having dark, depressing thoughts as of late, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. Nearly everyone you speak to feels either frightened, angry, out of control, or like they are losing what’s left of their mind. Don’t you wish losing weight was as easy as losing your mind?

The morning news just said: “Today has been canceled. Go back to sleep.” Hopeful for the New Year? What with those canceled trips, burying loved ones without a proper funeral, postponing celebrations, and living on Zoom…Rrright. Feeling downbeat, discouraged, and dreary? Well, whatever you do, don’t quit your daydream. You already know what giving up feels like; try seeing what happens if you don’t.